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This is how much of a poseur I am: When originally aired, I wasn’t just scared of trying to get through a single episode of Friday The 13th - The Series, I couldn’t even make it past the opening credits. I don’t care if I was only 6 years old when the show premiered in 1987, what a fucking pansy I was. Oooh, spooky floaty font! Pussy. Because of my pussidom, I did not find out until just now that Friday The 13th - The Series has absolutely nothing to do with the Friday The 13thfilm series. I’m sure many people were disappointed with the fact that Jason Voorhees wasn’t stalking the small screen in search for a jiggling breast to lop off, but, surprise, Friday The 13th - The Series is a gruesome little detective series, somewhere between a Hardy Boys novel and a blood spattered Vault Of Horror comic book.
The conceit of the series is thus: in exchange for immortality, a lowly antiques dealer named Lewis Vendredi sells his soul to the devil, because when you’re dealing in antiques, well, wouldn’t you like to spend eternity selling cuckoo clocks to the elderly? But you know as much as I know that selling your soul is tricky business and indeed the same applies here: every item in the store is forever cursed to bring pain and sorrow to those who choose to buy them. Growing sick of his predicament, Vendredi breaks the pact and is dragged down to hell, kicking, screaming and probably taking a few candelabras along with him. With the crazy old man out of the way, niece and nephew Micki Foster and Ryan Dallion are put into a rather strange predicament: recover every single piece of schlocky satanic tchotchke sold to unsuspecting customers in order to break the evil curse. I think. I only have the first season, you see.
 While slightly enjoying Friday The 13th - The Series, a decent sized chunk of the show is – and this is the technical term, mind you – a snooze. I chalk it up to the hour-long format, personally; while everyone loves a killer doll from time to time, we don’t need an hour dedicated to investigating a killer doll. Think about all the great killer doll iconography from that one awesome Twilight Zone episode to Trilogy of Terror (okay, those are really the only two that come to mind). These are twenty-minute segments, not forty-five. Now, with twenty-six episodes to go through, there is a never-ending stream of dead footage that could have been excised for a tighter, bloodier more entertaining show.
Not all is lost though; there are a few standout episodes, which I will now go into detail about:
 Tales of the Undead
Get this: Tales of the Undead is the first good episode of the series, and its three discs deep. When I say “good,” I of course mean “ludicrous,” as we’re treated to a demonic comic book that turns a petty criminal into a killing machine. Even with the silly Tales From The Crypt homage complete with comic book transitions, there is tons of material here that could have been cut out. This series does not earn its hour-long format. But dear God, watching a tweeker turning into a robot just to kill a comic book shop keep is gorgeous.
 Scarecrow
A fan favorite and understandably so, as it delivers the decapitations a show title like Friday The 13th promises. On a particularly dark and stormy night, a father puts his son to bed. There’s a knock at the door – who’s there? A zipperheaded scarecrow freak with a scythe, motherfucker! Genre director William Fruet infuses as much mysticism and atmosphere as possible into an episode that really deserves its own low-budget movie, the killer looks that awesome.
 Faith Healer
Oddly enough the biggest name attached to the series wasn’t any of the actors (unless you’re a big Robie fan, but then again who isn’t), it was attached to the episode Faith Healer, directed none other by David Chronenberg. While his visual style has never been flagrant, Chronenberg definitely brings a more professional touch to the series with this entry about a faith healer coming into ownership of a cursed glove that allows the wearer to drain disease from its believers, only to be transferred to its victims. Though written by an unknown who didn’t pen anything after the episode, the subject is pure Chronenberg.
There we are. Three solid episodes – wait, no – two solid episodes and one ridiculous comic book episode out of twenty-six hour long episodes. Oh sure, there’s a few striking moments (a guillotine coming to life, the hands of a murder bursting out of a television), but it just doesn’t add up to a thrilling whole.
Presentation
Uh oh! Someone… Dropped… The ball? Listen: no one cares about Friday The 13th - The Series. And it’s almost understandable that absolutely no restoration whatsoever seems to have taken place here, but I’m of the opinion that nothing should be treated this bad. This is a murky, soft mess to the point where I can’t even tell if this was shot on film or video – it could go either way. Along with the dull 2.0 mono track and lack of subtitles, one thing is for sure: this broke bad.
Extras
With this release, it’s clearly all about the show itself, which is why we’re only receiving two features that are very welcome, if only because I enjoy marketing – we have Original Network Launch Promos, and a Sales Presentation.
The Bottom Line
Unfortunately while Friday The 13th - The Series: Season One picked up as it went along, it’s still a solid three discs before the series started getting good, and even then it was rather spotty. My suggestion is to Netflix the third disc in order to catch the David Chronenberg episode – if the rest of the discs are more to your liking, congratulations: you’re boring. Purchase this set immediately.
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