“Good morning, Mr. Phelps. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to make it through another glorious season without getting canceled. Some new faces will be joining you in your impossible mission will be Cinderella, Mr. Spock, and a cowboy.”

By the time “Mission: Impossible” rolled onto the small screen with for its Fifth Season, a lot of things had changed. Peter Graves (as Jim Phelps) was still onboard the show…as was longtime cast member Greg Morris (Barney Collier). Martin Landau and Barbara Bain were long gone from the series. While a replacement actor for Martin was quickly found for Season Four (in the guise of Leonard Nimoy as a magician named The Great Paris), the show’s producers had a devil of a time finding someone to replace Barbara.

Enter none other than Lesley Ann Warren (sans the “Ann” -- she was trying to erase her earlier roles from the public’s eyes) as Dana Lambert, who, no matter how damn good the freckled beauty may have looked in pig-tails and miniskirts (think Faye Reagan, only not quite as hot), doesn’t quite cut it as a secret agent, but rather comes off more like Jim Phelps dumb niece who’s simply along for the ride.

Another new cast member for Season Five was a guy by the name of Sam Elliott. Yep, that Sam Elliott. Yes, one of America’s most iconic western figures shows up for a good half of the season as Doug Robert, replacing series regular Peter Lupus (as Willy Armitage) who must’ve been off flexing his muscles somewhere for those episodes. It was actually one of his first big regular gigs after people started noticing him in Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid. To be honest, I didn’t even notice it was him at first!

It was now the beginning of the 70s: the whole spy game had started to fade…and drugs and political unrest were just as popular of headlines as ever. TV shows were incorporating such aspects into their series…and, as such, “Mission: Impossible” The Complete Fifth Season doesn’t get as spy-like as one might hope.

But it’s still damn silly fun.

Disc One

Episode #1: “The Killer” (Directed by Paul Krasny) - The IMF crew has a hitman (Robert Conrad) to catch. They know the Who, When, Where, and Why…but what they don’t know is How.

Luigi’s Useless Information: The whole IMF force manages to convert an entire building into a hotel -- complete with printed stationary and everything -- in about 15 minutes (this was before personal computers and printing programs, mind you). Wow.

Episode #2: “Flip Side” (Directed by John Llewellyn Moxey) - Need a laugh? How ‘bout Sal Mineo as -- wait for it, wait for it -- a DRUG DEALER! Dana works her charms on the dealer (Mineo) and his two associates (Dana Elcar and Robert Alda). Kasey Rogers (Mrs. Larry Tate) co-stars.

Luigi’s Useless Information: Jeez, everybody looks gay in this one! I think Nimoy’s bandana-around-the-neck out-gays Sal Mineo’s!

Episode #3: “The Innocent” (Directed by John Llewellyn Moxey) - Barney is poisoned by a deadly biological virus while attempting to erase said virus from the databank of one of those computer things (the ones that take up entire floors). With Barney out, the gang try to coerce a dropout genius-turned-hippy (Christopher Connelly) to assist them. Than Wyenn guest stars. Sam Elliott’s first appearance as Doug Robert.

Luigi’s Useless Information: Larry Linville (Maj. Burns from “M*A*S*H”) co-stars as a bad guy with a bad accent.

Episode #4: “Homecoming” (Directed by Reza S. Badiyi) - Who knew Jim Phelps had a childhood? Jim goes back to the town of his youth to clean up the old place and winds up helping the townsfolk in their search to find a vicious killer.

Luigi’s Useless Information: Well, I suppose it was inevitable, especially since Larry Linville was in the last episode: Loretta Swit (Maj. Houlihan) is in this one.

Disc Two

Episode #5: “Flight” (Directed by Barry Crane) - The crew kidnap a Latin-American country’s corrupt Chief Of Internal Security (“Battlestar Galactica” villain John Colicos) and make him believe he’s been in a plane crash and is now stranded on an island full of prisoners.

Luigi’s Useless Information: It’s amazing how much Southern California looks like Latin America, isn’t it?

Episode #6: “My Friend, My Enemy” (Directed by Gerald Mayer) - A pair of baddies holding a grudge against the IMF (Mark Peter Richmond and Bruce Glover!) knock Paris off of his motorcycle and implant a receiver in his brain to make him the perfect assassin. Naturally, his first target will be his best friend, Jim Phelps.

Luigi’s Useless Information: This is one of the few eps that dives into a character’s personal life in this season…and watching Nimoy emote is always amusing.

Episode #7: “Butterfly” (Directed by Gerald Mayer) - Evil Japanese industrialist Masaki (Khigh Dhiegh, best known as Wo Fat from “Hawaii Five-O”) murders his own sister and frames her American husband (Russ Conway). Paris goes undercover as a famous Kabuki performer (!). Benson Fong (Charlie Chan’s other son) co-stars.

Luigi’s Useless Information: Oh, my…Leonard Nimoy…in yellowface…and in Kabuki make-up…oh, the horror.

Episode #8: “Decoy” (Directed by Seymour Robbie) - Jim attempts to convince a Princess (Julie Gregg) to get out of her country before her own brother (the great Paul Stevens) betrays her. Jim has to go and fall in love with the bitch, too. Sid Haig can be seen for a bit in this episode.

Luigi’s Useless Information: What is it with brothers betraying and killing their siblings in this series? Did the writers have some very unhappy childhoods or what?

Disc Three

Episode #9: “The Amateur” (Directed by Paul Krasny) - With each team member carrying part of a new deadly weapon, the IMF crew prepares to make their way out of a country that suspiciously resembles East Germany. Everything goes according to plan until Anthony Zerbe screws it all up by being a greedy stupid pub owner.

Luigi’s Useless Information: Zerbe (making his fourth of fifth appearances in the series) is in top form here and his scenes with fellow guest star Ron Feinberg are great.

Episode #10: “Hunted” (Directed by Terry Becker) - After rescuing the rebel leader from the evil clutches of the racist white folk in South Africa, Barney (in whiteface) is wounded and seeks refuge in the shop of a deaf/mute woman (Ta-Tanisha).

Luigi’s Useless Information: Well, it’s about damn time that Barney gets a little action. His pseudo love interest is played by character actress Ta-Tanisha, who has all but disappeared off of the radar. Where you at, girl?

Episode #11: “The Rebel” (Directed by Barry Crane) - Along with some Latin American revolutionaries, the gang stages a rescue operation while an evil Colonel (Mark Lenard) keeps a careful eye over the proceedings.

Luigi’s Useless Information: Mark Lenard and Leonard Nimoy, together again…only this time they don’t have to hide their emotions.

Episode #12: “Squeeze Play” (Directed by Virgil W. Vogel) - Paris masquerades as a gangster whose face has been altered (via plastic surgery) and attempts to gain the trust of a dying old mobster (Albert Paulsen). Nico Minardos and former Playboy Magazine favorite Victoria Vetri co-star.

Luigi’s Useless Information: Whoa-ho! Nimoy gets it on with the hot young niece in this one! And it’s Victoria Vetri, too! Go, Spock, go!

Disc Four

Episode #13: “The Hostage” (Directed by Barry Crane) - Immediately after completing a mission, Paris is abducted by some Latin American revolutionaries who actually believe him to be the man he was impersonating. From there, it’s a race to figure out how to get the poor guy out. For some reason, Barney starts wearing tinted glasses in this episode (but he looks cool in them, so I’m not complaining).

Luigi’s Useless Information: I think Sam Elliott probably has more lines in this episode than he had in any other part he’s ever had. Period.

Episode #14: “Takeover” (Directed by Virgil W. Vogel) - And what would Season 5 of M:I be without an appearance by Lloyd Bochner? Lloyd, along with fellow character actors Ken Swofford and Russell Thorson, guest star in a tale of corrupt city officials who hire an angry young rabble-rouser (Richard Kelton) to make their opponents look bad.

Luigi’s Useless Information: Corrupt politicians using scare tactics to make their opponents look bad? Why, that would never happen in this day and age!

Episode #15: “Cat’s Paw” (Directed by Virgil W. Vogel) - A personal episode for Barney. When his own brother (played by Marc Hannibal) is murdered by a police captain on the take and the leader of a black syndicate, Barney seeks revenge. Luckily for him, his co-workers are more than willing to help a brother out. The great Hari Rhodes co-stars in this attempt to pull some of the Blaxploitation audience away from the theaters.

Luigi’s Useless Information: Jazz legend Abbey Lincoln gets a chance to show off her acting talents in this episode. Fans of the Planet Of The Apes series will no doubt enjoy seeing the late Hari Rhodes in action.

Episode #16: “The Missile” (Directed by Charles R. Rondeau) - A ploy to trick a foreign agent in believing Dana is blackmailing Jim goes wrong when Dana discovers just how truly creepy garage mechanics can be. John Beck, John Pickard, David Sheiner, Barry Coe, John Dennis, and Percy Helton co-star.

Luigi’s Useless Information: Character/voice actor extraordinaire Percy Helton was one of the most well-known faces on both the big and small screens during the 40s and through the 60s (ever since his breakthrough moment playing that drunken Santa Claus in the original Miracle On 34^th Street). His appearance on “Mission: Impossible” was one of his last: he died eight months after this episode aired. Personally, I will always remember his role in Abbott & Costello Meet The Killer, Boris Karloff as the guy who hits on Lou while he is in drag.

Disc Five

Episode #17: “The Field” (Directed by Reza S. Badiyi) - Bad guys (lead by Barry Atwater and H.M. Wynant) launch a satellite filled with a shitload of nukes. The controls to the satellite are located on an island fortress surrounded by a high-tech minefield which is designed by American defector Arthur Norris (“Wagon Train” co-star Denny Miller). Paris subs for Norris, but, when the real Norris is wanted for murder, well…I’m sure you can figure it out. Pat Priest and Milton Selzer co-star.

Luigi’s Useless Information: Guest star Pat Priest is best known for playing one of the two Marilyns in The Munsters.

Episode #18: “Blast” (Directed by Sutton Roley) - When a group of thieves loses one of their own during an attempt to blow open a safe, Jim and Dana intercept a request for some new help. The great Henry Darrow (and his magnificent head of hair, which I think may have actually received its very own paycheck) plays the leader of the gang, with Kevin Hagen playing one of his trigger-happy henchmen.

Luigi’s Useless Information: Since two female agents of the IM Force were required for this episode, bit player Susan Odin (who was married to director Charles R. Rondeau at the time) was brought in to go undercover with Leonard Nimoy. Odin started out her screen career as Jessie Oakley in Annie Get Your Gun. Her career, how ever small it may have been, was ultimately a short one, and she died in 1975 at the age of 33.

Episode #19: “The Catafalque” (Directed by Barry Crane) - Cult fave John Vernon (San Fran’s mayor in Dirty Harry) plays a Latin American government official whom the IM Force make to believe has been put in prison by secret police so they can get their hands on a copy of a nuclear treaty. Will Kuluva also guest stars.

Luigi’s Useless Information: One of the guards featured in this episode is none other than Johnny Bench.

Episode #20: “Kitara” (Directed by Murray Golden) - This one takes blackface to a new level…but in a good way, of course. A racist West African military Colonel (like there’s another kind) is made to believe he is really black thanks to a special light bulb! Lawrence Dobkin plays the confused bigot. The late great Robert DoQui plays a captured leader. Rex Holman also guest stars.

Luigi’s Useless Information: I don’t honestly know who has a funnier accent: Peter Graves or Sam Elliott. It’s a real tie-breaker.

Disc Six

Episode #21: “A Ghost Story” (Directed by Reza Badiyi) - Jim and the gang are supposed to locate the missing corpse of the dead scientist (Frank Farmer) who accidentally infected himself with a deadly nerve gas and was subsequently murdered by his own father (Andrew Duggan). The best way to do it? With ghosts, of course! Marion Ross and William Smith co-star.

Luigi’s Useless Information: You’d think an episode like this would have been aired around Hallowe’en or something. ‘Tis not the case, though: “A Ghost Story” aired on February 27, 1971. And the winner of the Bad Timing In Television Award goes to…

Episode #22: “The Party” (Directed by Murray Golden) - The crew stages a phony party to welcome a recently-released Russian spy back to his homeland. A venerable assortment of familiar TV faces playing Commies in this one include Alfred Ryder, Arthur Batanides, Antoinette Bower, Frank Marth, and Robert Sampson.

Luigi’s Useless Information: I checked and double-checked and I am positive that nobody says “Birdie num-nums” in this one.

Episode #23: “The Merchant” (Directed by Leon Benson) - Leonard Nimoy is Bond, James Bond. In this Season Finale, Jim attempts to gain the trust of an arms dealer by masquerading as the good Samaritan that once saved him. Meanwhile, Paris goes head-to-head with the notorious figure in a high-stakes poker game. George Sanders hams it up to the hilt (hey, he was good at it!), while fellow guest stars Jan Merlin, James Hong, and Jo Morrow also throw in a line or two.

Luigi’s Useless Information: This proved to be George Sanders final television role. He had three appearances on the big screen afterward -- two of which were postmortem.

“As always, should you or any of your IM Force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. Good luck, Jim…and may the IM Force be with you.”

Presentation
CBS/Paramount has done another swell job of bringing yet another full season of one of television’s most iconic series’ to DVD. The 6-Disc collection brings us all 23 episodes in a beautifully re-mastered 1.33:1 Full Frame transfer, with newly mixed 5.1 Soundtracks accompanying each. The original English Mono soundtracks are also included (albeit in Mono Stereo) as are Spanish Mono Stereo tracks. Subtitle options consists of English, Spanish, and Portuguese.

Extras
Sigh. That’s all, just a great big Sigh.

Bonus Features for this set are only limited to a few Promos for other TV shows on DVD from CBS/Paramount.

The Bottom Line
What the hell are you waiting for, dammit? Buy it now -- before Tom Cruise makes another stupid movie!